Amanda: Welcome back. How are you doing?
Vikki: I'm doing awesome.
Amanda: Good.
Vikki: How are you doing?
Amanda: I'm doing great. I'm super excited for today.
Vikki: Yeah.
Amanda: Good. Good. So I think we're going to talk a little bit about our healing journeys.
Vikki: Yes. So interesting. Um, you know, that's what I believe this life is all about. We, we all come here with healing work to do and we can either be awake or asleep for our journeys. And so this offering today is really about helping us wake up for our journey, helping us meet life with an open heart, and to look at all the things that block us or that get in the way from us living with an open heart.
Amanda: So I'm going to take it back because that's what I do. I dial it back. Dial it back. First, I think we need to understand what is healing? You know, for a lot of people that can mean a lot of different things, but it's a big word. It's a big, big word.
Vikki: Words have energy and words mean whatever they mean to each person. That's the things you can throw a big word out there like healing. And you'll get as many answers as there are people and I think that's the way it is supposed to be. It's to be received in whatever way feels right for you. The way that I am sharing it is from the journey that I have gone on in my life and how when I did not choose to do my healing work and I did not choose to live with an open heart, there was a lot of suffering, there was a lot of chaos, there was a lot of confusion and it doesn't mean that I'm on a healing path now and that I don't still have hard things that come my way. It's just the way that I move through them is completely different than I once did. So that's when you talk about healing. It's like, God, what is healing? And it's reclaiming those pieces that we deemed were unlovable for whatever reason. It's going back and...getting those pieces that we cut off, tore off, threw away that we deemed unlovable. That's what healing is to me.
Amanda: And so when does that happen? Like when do you find most people start cutting off parts of themselves? I'm sure it's different ages, right? But do you see some patterns? Yeah, do you see patterns?
Vikki: I think again, everybody's journey is different. But I think we come into this life wanting to be seen, heard, acknowledged, and loved, and know that we matter. And so whenever that process, we have to start working for those things rather than just actually receiving those things at different states that we're in, different stages that we're in, then we start working hard. And it's...It's an illusion to make us believe that if I do this, then I'm worth this or then I'm lovable. And it's all one big lie. And so a lot of this whole healing process for me that I've been on is really unlearning all the shit that is no longer true for me coming back home to my heart, coming back home to my truth.
03:55
Amanda: Uhh…sounds dreamy to be able to do that. But night it's a lot of work.
Vikki: It is, but I always say “not near as much work as hustling and striving and just working for something that you never even receive.” Because whenever the world hands you those things temporarily, the bar is always raised. And the lie is there's a bar. There's not even a bar. That's external hustling you know, this is about doing the internal work, opening it up inward and seeing what lies at the bottom of my heart. What did I come here to be? Who did I come here to be? What wakes me up? What lights me up? What brings me joy? Because that then becomes the healing process to me. Because the more we can connect with that, our life changes externally. It's an inside job.
Amanda: Absolutely, absolutely. So when you think about what needs to be healed in people and I'm sure there's been people that say, I don't need any healing. I didn't have any trauma. No, I'm good. There's nothing wrong here.
Vikki: Yeah, I would say I hope it all works out for you, sweetie. Again, maybe that's true for them.
05:25
Amanda: But don't you think that everybody has healing work to do? That's really what I was getting at. Like everybody has healing work to do.
Vikki: But like I said in the beginning, I believe that's why we're here. It really is. It's like, I love Wayne Dyer. He said it so beautifully, like years and years ago on one of his cassette tapes. But he said, that's serious, that goes to show you. He said, it's almost like when you're born, you and God, like think of a clock in the hands of a clock. You're on 12, both of you are on 12. And when you're born, you start moving away from God just naturally. You get further and further away. It's where you came from, it's where you left. And usually something in our life happens. Usually it's incredibly hard stuff. It can be anything that's difficult and painful or traumatic. And then we start our return back home. We pass the six and we start heading back home.
Amanda: That's the morning and the afternoon, right? Of your life.
Vikki: It always comes into everything that I share because it's so true. It's just so true. And again, if you didn't hear the other podcast about that, it's just the Carl Jung quote “what works in the morning of our life becomes a lie in the afternoon”. And that again is the healing process. We can no longer pretend that what is working or was working is working now. There comes to a place where what was working stops working. And we can pretend, look away, not deal with it. But at some point usually we get to a place in our lives where we say, I absolutely cannot keep living my life the way I'm currently living it.
Amanda: Oh, yes, and I was there. I was there. I know that very well.
Vikki: Yeah. Most all of us get to that place. And a lot of the times, we have no idea where we're going. We have no idea where to turn. We have no answers. We're at the end.
Amanda: We're drained. Exhausted.
Vikki: We're exhausted.
Amanda: Yep.
Vikki: depleted, all of the things. All of our coping mechanisms no longer work.
Amanda: Correct.
Vikki: And we come to the end of ourselves. And there is a place where it's actually a beautiful place, because when we run out of everything externally, usually we start waking up on the inside. And we start following a different path. And that's kind of what the healing path is. And it's…like I said earlier, it looks as many people as there are, that's as many paths as there are to healing.
Amanda: So for somebody who this is not working in their life anymore, they want to do different, be different, know different, learn different, where do you start? Where do you start?
08:38
Vikki: Well, I always say you start at the beginning, wherever the beginning is for you. I also believe that taking small steps is the way to go. And whatever your small steps may be, large steps for someone else. That's why it's so important to pay attention, to become aware, and to connect with your heart and figure out what are your small steps. I just know when I've tried to take too big of a steps, whether it's in physical change, emotional change, mental change, financial change…as my grandmother would say, it just doesn't take. It doesn't take, it's too big. And so, plus, it's not the compassionate loving way, and this is all about compassion. How would you treat a child? You would hold their hand and take little steps along the way, and that's what healing is. And so it's like, I don't know where someone else begins, but what I absolutely do know is whatever you need, if you open your heart and open your mind, the next step will be provided for you. Now, if you have a fixed idea of what that outcome of that step is gonna look like, you'll probably miss it. Because it usually doesn't look anything like we think, and it doesn't come in the way we think, and the timing of it is not in the way we think. So this then becomes that journey of staying open. And when you get to the end of yourself, usually there's some surrendering that follows that. And when we surrender, we loosen our grip.
Amanda: Yeah, we have to hold it all loosely.
Vikki: Hold it all loosely.
Amanda: I am guilty as charged. I want to know when, where, what, why, and how, three steps ahead of all of it. And letting go of that is not easy, but it's necessary.
Vikki: Yeah. And we were trained and conditioned that way. A lot of that, I believe, is rooted in, well, because I know you and it's part of my path as well, a lot of that wanting to know is because a lot of our childhood was unstable and unsafe. And so we, as adults, we decided, hey, I'm gonna figure this shit out and I'm gonna go ahead and prepare for the other shoe to drop so that when it does, I'm prepared. But then the problem with that is when the other shoe drops, it doesn't look anything like we're preparing for.
Amanda: It never did.
Vikki: And so it's really, you know, there's nothing wrong. That's, that to me as a pointer, like an offering, a signpost really of looking at what in me wants to overcompensate for the future by not being fully present in the now and making sure that I have set everything up so that there is no pain in the future. And so sometimes that can be a pointer of, yes, if you need to plan, plan. But if you don't come back to here, you're gonna miss here, preparing for there, and there never comes.
Amanda: I think as a child, I taught myself, “if I worry about it, it won't happen. If I worry about it, it won't…” And that is usually true because the thing never usually ends up happening that you worry about but at the same time there's so much energy lost in the worry. So it's been a lifelong path for me but it's interesting now that I am where I am and I can peel back that layer and take a look at it for what it is. So I'm trying to hold it all loosely.
Vikki: But there's power in the courage that it takes to look at that. To look at something like a deep held belief that you don't even realize is buried in your heart that is almost subconscious. “If I worry about it, it won't happen.” And then you don't even realize how your worrying is actually stealing your life right now, while you're preparing for something to not be stolen down the line.
Amanda: Exactly, exactly.
Vikki: So a pointer to that can be, of course, sweetheart, I could see how as a child you did that in order to feel safe or protect yourself, but now that we're a little bit older, and I believe that little girl is still inside of us and with us. You can let her know that that is an old coping mechanism that y'all are no longer going to use because it's no longer your truth. And so anytime you catch yourself even worrying about something it can be an incredible gift to say, I'm at a crossroads. I don't want to keep reiterating this pattern on my heart. It's time to actually choose another pathway and let this old way go.
Amanda: It's not serving me anymore.
Vikki: No, and if it's not serving you, it's not serving the relationships you're in, and it's not serving why you're here and what you came here to be, who you came here to be.
Amanda: So you just said a little, few moments ago, knowing what my truth is, right? And this is all part of the healing process. But what I find myself coming back to is how incredibly hard it is to identify what those truths are that no longer are true for me. But I think because they're so ingrained in us, it's often hard to identify what those are. So can you talk a little bit about that and going back and figuring out? You know, what is it that I believe and how do you break that down?
15:08
Vikki: Yeah, that's it's a, it's a beautiful process and it's very layered. And, um, and it's just, again, it's just a beautiful thing to even start asking those questions. I don't, I know how you would do it. I'm always going to say that, but I can tell you some tools that help me, you know, and then you can find, find a way that works for you. For me, whenever there is discontentment in my soul, something's off. So, if my days are really busy, and my thoughts are really busy, and my movement is really busy, then I don't have any space to connect with the feeling of discontentment. But the gift of discontentment usually is it doesn't go away, it just keeps playing. And so if we can look at that as something's off rather than just robotically going through our days discontent, it can be a pointer to help us see “where am I actually moving throughout my life, my days, my relationships, where something's off that I've not slowed down long enough to actually look at honestly?” That's the hard part, to honestly look at and say “I am going through the motions here and my heart's not in this. And I want to look at why my heart is not in this.” And the more you peel back another layer, it's like “my heart isn't in this. I wish it was, but it isn't. And I've not been honest about it. So I have been going through the motions rather than bringing all of me into that.” And therefore, it's the gift that...“I'm not supposed to be doing this shit this way”... whatever the shit is.
Amanda: Yeah, it just doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right.
Vikki: Yeah, and it doesn't mean that we don't have to do things sometimes that don't feel right. I'm talking about the deeper undercurrent of our lives when we know something's off and we've been going through the motions because maybe we're not ready to deal with the feelings of what's underneath all that and so we can do that for a period of time, but it's been my experience after a while. Physically, your body will let you know “you can't keep going through the motions of this and pretending that this is your truth or this is honest and real for you because it isn't.”
Amanda: Yeah, I think that whole discovering what your truth is, is almost like the grand process of exiting like the the afternoon of your life you just take everything for what it is and never question and so sometimes it's hard to really figure out what those…what those things are that I don't believe anymore or aren't true for me or don't feel good to me And so just slowing down I think for me has been the single most important tool That I've used because I'm I'm a doer. I'm a list maker. I'm gonna go out and get shit done and there's no time for this. There's no time to stop and sit with this and think about this. And I've really, in the afternoon of my life, been giving, allowing myself, giving myself permission to do that because it's okay to not do things. So…
Vikki: It changes the things you do when you not do things.
Amanda: Sure.
Vikki: You know, it's stillness is, as you know, it's everything we believe, everything we share out at the farm that there's also a promise that says there's a knowing that follows stillness, be still and know, that's one of our signposts as well. So if we don't take the time to slow it all down and get still, we will be robotic about our life and we'll look away and 5 or 10 years will have gone by. You know, it really is about that beautiful questioning and staying on a path of asking because you know, that word “truth” sometimes, it can kick up a lot for a lot of people. I knew me, what I grew up, how I grew up, you know, around some stuff with dogma and religion, it's like, there's “one truth” and this is it, I've got it. And you got to come to me to get it. And I heard somebody say one time, like, your truth changes constantly. And it's like, wait, what? Somebody is like, yeah, then that's not the truth. It's like, oh no what was true for you yesterday, six months ago, six weeks ago, whatever. It's not necessarily true for you today.
20:17
Amanda: What? Vikki, this is the first time I'm hearing about this.
Vikki: Are you serious?
Amanda: Really?... like, tell me more.
Vikki: What was true for you six months ago? The person you were, you're always in a becoming state. You've never just got to a stagnant place. You're continually evolving, expanding, becoming. So your perspective, your experiences, your life was based on what you have actually gone through up until that point.
Amanda: Ah.
Vikki: You go six months from now. Think of how your perspective has changed since we've been creating Farm to Souls.
21:02
Amanda: I mean, you're so right. I mean, I look at it now. I'm like, how could I have not seen that? But I guess hearing those words, because here I am trying to identify what my truths are and maybe it's not just always identifying what those are because they're ever changing. It's really like looking at who you are at that time.
Vikki: I think it's awakening to what's true for you in this moment. It's a very different feeling than what are my truths. One is very ego rigid kind of harsh I've got to identify these and cling to them and live from them that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about opening up your heart and really settling in deep into your soul whatever words work for you. You know I always like to put my hand over my heart and just say “sweetheart what's going on” and it's just getting honest about where you are what you need what's coming up for you what you're afraid of, what you believe in, what you long for. Like that to me is when I'm saying living from your truth. It is really living an honest and awakened life.
Amanda: My whole thought process just shifted. It really did.
Vikki: That's awesome. Yeah, no, we're taught that. And if other people believe that, then that's true for you. This is the truth or, you know, it's some stern male has the truth and you have to work hard to get it. It's like, yeah, no, that's a different kind of truth and maybe that works for some people, but that is absolutely no longer my truth. My truth, when I really practice this reverent stillness and really spend time in this childlike curiosity place and start asking and then just opening up layers that have been around my heart. Things wash over me, things that are true for me start rising to the surface and I don't have to do anything. I just create space and stillness and what is there starts coming to the surface.
23:26
Amanda: I love it. So if I think back to the clock and how we moved a little bit away from it, I see the afternoon of life, you're moving back towards it, right? Am I right? Does it come back around or does it go backwards? We're not sure.
Vikki: I don't know. My clock goes forwards, backwards, inside and out. You know, the wheels span all of that. But I think it's all beautiful. I think one of the things that Wayne Dyer was really just trying to reference is after we're born, shortly after we all start returning home. It's just this returning home to where we came from. You know, the perfect wholeness, it's the spiritual path, the awakening path, whatever words work for you.
Amanda: I love it. Well, this has been very enlightening for me. Hopefully everybody else will will feel the same. But as always, Vikki, it's so great to sit and talk with you and can't wait to do it again.
Vikki: Yeah, I love I love this journey, Amanda. I love being with you and sharing and just what a ride..returning home.
Amanda: So good. So good. So if you'd like to find out more about Farm2Souls, you can visit our website farm2souls.com or you can find us on social on Instagram and Facebook at Farm 2Souls.
24:57 - END
